3 Steps to managing your insecurity.
Updated: Jul 13, 2020
Have you ever told yourself any of these phrases? "I am a loser / I am not good enough / I am dumb / I will never be anything." Regardless of what we have accomplished throughout our lives, we tend to continue to tell ourselves such words. We know they are not helpful so why do we continue to do so? Last week, I introduced the topic of "impostor syndrome" during a mindset training in Germany and it was fascinating to see many of the participants vividly relating to the term. It proved once again that it does not matter what color, race, culture or gender we are, the fact is that at the end of the day, we are all human beings with emotions and personal thoughts. Insecurities flow through us every single day in one way or another. To say that we have absolutely ZERO insecurities is a lie and unless you are a psychopath, it is practically impossible not to have any because it is part of our DNA as a survival mechanism. You can find a lot of information on the internet and books about this survival mechanism but more often than not you only get definition and explanations and hardly any real tips on how to beat the insecurities and take action. So I've decided to give you a few gold nuggets. Before I give them away, I'd like to make a disclaimer the content in this article is my own opinion based on personal and my clients' experiences they had with my methods. Also, I am NOT a psychologist or a Psychiatrist and if you have serious issues please reach out for medical help. We are aware of our insecurities and inability to trust ourselves so there is no need to talk about them in this article. Instead lets get into how to overcome the insecurities. Here is the big bummer. You will never get rid of your insecurities. It is not possible to overcome them because succeeding at things involves outside forces that you cannot control. The outside forces only play a role when you surrender to them and play your failure in your head as a consolation for where you are in life. A second way you can approach this is by analyzing what the outside forces may be doing to prevent you from reaching your goal and then how can you go around them and conquer. Your insecurities will be there for the most part but the more moves you make the less power they will have over you. So how do we beat our insecurities about ourselves if we can't get rid of them? It is normal to feel insecure. YOU are normal. YES YOU ARE NORMAL. This may come to you as a shock but you are actually normal. Everyone has insecurities about themselves. Some show it more than others and the clues are everywhere. So the minute you feel insecure tell yourself that it is normal to feel this way and that you are not an alien. Move from Victim to Doer. The minute we feel insecure about ourselves, we tend to place ourselves as a victim. As a victim we are helpless and will most likely need the help of others to come up on top. Depending in others can be extremely disappointing and does not help us grow as problem solvers. Instead when you feel like you are a "looser" for example, Ask that same voice the following questions: What makes me a looser? What should I do to be a winner? What's the first and most effective thing I should do to achieve this? The What -> Why -> How method. This method helps me understand my insecurity and helps me see what I need to prepare so that I can achieve my desired goal. Want to add a caption to this image? Click the Settings icon. Every time I feel insecure about taking a new leap or doing something bigger than I've ever done I use the the What -> Why -> How method. I have a form where I fill out the problem I am having or telling myself. Next to that box is the "why" is this problem happening. Then in the third box is How which is where the magic happens. That's where you make the switch from Victim to Doer. (download the free template Here). Proof that you have what it takes. Once you have most of it figured out and you know exactly why you feel the way you are feeling and what you need to do in order to no longer feel this way, you need to find past experiences where you did not feel 100% secure but you did it anyways and you succeeded or learned something from it. Knowing what the issue is and how to solve it is only part of the solution. A way to boost the chances of getting into action mode is to remember the times you have failed and how you came out of it as well as the times you succeeded by taking a (controlled risk) chance. Trouble shoot possible outcomes. Remembering your past wins and failures will help you see that you have been in the game already and that you can do this. This will help you foresee possible challenges and ways to avoid them or just go right through them. You have been equipped with everything needed to reach things you never thought were possible. By creating patters with past experiences as well as other people's challenges, you will be able to be more prepared for facing the obstacles once they come. Remember "easy comes, easy goes". The hills and sweat along the way is just to test how badly you want it. Take honest responsibility about your actions and responses. In many cases, people tend to blame others in order to drift away responsibility. When something happens in your life, you have one choice and that is "how to interpret what just happened. You are doing your self-worth a disservice by blaming others. Every time you feel unworthy or not good enough to endure the journey remember that it is your responsibility to interpret what is happening to you. Also focus on the end result and how you will feel once you are there. This gives meaning to what you are going through and will help you look at your challenge as a step to get to your destination. It is normal to hit hard times along the way so prep yourself and be aware of it. Victim = Powerless. Are you powerless? or afraid of taking full responsibility? Instead of playing the blaming game, shake yourself from "Victim" mode to "Doer" mode by asking what is the core reason for this? Then ask that same voice what can you overcome this new challenge? And on an ending note: Very often we are not really afraid of failure itself. We are actually afraid of what others will think about us. Our friends, family and co-workers. We create stories in our heads that could make a best selling book on amazon yet the reality is different. There is something that is quite interesting when it comes to failure. Very often people may notice your failure short term but most likely than not they will forget about it right away. One reason may be that people are busy with themselves creating a story of their own full of possible situations that may ruin their lives in theory just like you are. The real failure is not acting on what you want to accomplish because you cannot learn anything from that experience since you did not allow it to happen. I hope this helps you bypass those insecurities that are keeping you from contributing in this beautiful world.